“What should I call you?” Rabbis and pastors get this question a lot.
[featured-image single_newwindow=”false”]What do we say? It depends. Some times I say “Call me Evan.” Sometimes it’s “Rabbi Evan.” Other times I say say “I prefer Rabbi Moffic.” Sometimes I say in private “Evan” is fine, but in public please use “Rabbi Moffic.”
I admit I have little rhyme or reason to my answers.
I imagine doctors and teachers face a similar dilemma. The truth is, however, is that the question is about much more than names. It is about relationships, authority, respect, and maintaining proper boundaries within an increasingly informal and free-for-all culture.
Having just returned from a leading a session on boundaries at a rabbinic conference (with my friend and colleague Rabbi Leah Cohen), I realized how critical boundaries are for everybody. Boundaries are about saying yes and saying no.
Whenever we say yes to one thing, we are inevitably saying no to another. They are about maintaining healthy relationships.
We are created to live with boundaries
God created the world with boundaries—the boundaries between heaven and earth, between the Sabbath and the other days of the week, between good and evil, and right and wrong. We can live more spiritually fulfilling lives by remembering a few of these key boundaries.
- Boundaries in Time: In Hebrew the word for holy or sacred is kadosh. Kadosh can also mean “distinctive” and “set apart.” Finding sacred times—for Jews on the Sabbath from Friday evening to Saturday evening and for Christians on Sunday, the Lord’s Day—centers our lives around holiness. The clear boundaries force us to make time for God and for our souls.
- Boundaries in Relationships: The Hebrew word for marriage is kiddushin, which is related to the word kadosh, or “set apart.” It tells us marriage is a relationship set apart from all other relationships. We share things with our spouse we share with no one else. All relationships have boundaries—there are certain things we would not share with friends or even our children. Maintaining those boundaries protects us and them.
- Boundaries in Work: The Hebrew word for work is avodah. The same word is also used in the Bible to refer to the offering of sacrifices to God. Work is part of our way of serving God. Yet, to do that work most effectively, we need to set boundaries around it.
In the Temple in Jerusalem, sacrifices were offfered at certain times. Similarly, wok should be done only in certain times. Today We can bring our work everywhere. Smartphones give us the power to erase all boundaries? Should we?
I always think of a piece of rabbinic wisdom a friend gave me long ago. We can, he said, get more work done in six days than in seven. In other words, boundaries make us more effective. They makes us healthier. And they make life more sacred.
