In Jewish tradition 30 days marks the end of a formal period of mourning knowing as sheloshim. 30 days ago, Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg lost her 47-year-old husband Dave Goldberg. Her children lost their father. The world lost a mensch.
[featured-image single_newwindow=”false”]Yesterday Sheryl took this opportunity to reflect on her experience. She wrote a lengthy, searing message. They moved me deeply. Here are some of its highlights and lessons:
1. Make Meaning: “When tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning…when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.”
2. Don’t Sugarcoat: “A friend of mine with late-stage cancer told me that the worst thing people could say to him was ‘It is going to be okay.’
That voice in his head would scream, How do you know it is going to be okay? Do you not understand that I might die? I learned this past month what he was trying to teach me. Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not.”
3. Life is Short: “I have learned how ephemeral everything can feel—and maybe everything is. That whatever rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under you with absolutely no warning.”
4. Express Gratitude: “As heartbroken as I am, I look at my children each day and rejoice that they are alive. I appreciate every smile, every hug. I no longer take each day for granted.”
5. You Can Make It: “Resilience can be learned. Adam M. Grant taught me that three things are critical to resilience… Personalization—realizing it is not my fault. He told me to ban the word “sorry.” To tell myself over and over, This is not my fault. Permanence—remembering that I won’t feel like this forever. This will get better. Pervasiveness—this does not have to affect every area of my life; the ability to compartmentalize is healthy.”
The entire message is well worth reading in full. May the memory of Dave Goldberg be an eternal blessing.
