I didn’t become a rabbi when I finished seminary. I became a real rabbi after my first eulogy. Nothing can totally prepare you for the task of comforting mourners and making sense of death.

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And nothing better teaches us what makes for a meaningful and well-lived life.

At its best, a eulogy is a work of art. It takes the events of a person’s life and reveals its beauty and meaning. It gives us a glimpse of the holy amidst the commonplace. 

Listen and Learn

Even if we do not deliver eulogies often, we should read them. And we should listen to them. And in doing so we can learn.

We can learn about what endures and what does not. We can learn what is important and what is not. And we can begin to ask ourselves how we want to be remembered.

Consider President Obama’s eulogy for Reverend Clementa Pinckney. Reverend Pinckney was one of the nine people killed at Mother Emanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston. Reading his eulogy  leaves us with a sense of gratitude and awareness.

We not only feel gratitude for a life well-lived. We gain insights as to how we might better live our own. Here a few insights we can garner from the President’s eulogy:

1. Look for Grace: Grace has been defined as “the free and benevolent favor of God.” The Hebrew equivalent is hesed, which is also translated as “lovingkindness.”

The President pointed out that Rev. Pinckney consistently taught and embodied grace. He taught that grace is not passive. Grace is active. It is a gift we unwrap through the way we live.

Grace is also unlimited in scope. God does not give grace to one person and take it away from another. The more grace we feel, the more grace we give away. We give and receive, and when we see this truth, our lives take on a new meaning.

We become more generous and loving. We become more merciful and understanding. Grace changes us, and thereby transforms the world.

2. Find a Community: Rev. Pinckney’s life cannot be separated from his church. In Judaism and Christianity, a house of worship offers acceptance, hope, joy, security and transformation. It provides a home for God. It embodies the qualities each of us strives for. It is community.

We can appreciate the power of community even if we do not practice a faith. Business consultant Jim Rohn said we are the average of the five people we spent the most time around. If we spend our time in a good community, we will become more loving, giving, and kind.

3. Aim for Fullness: We often confuse longevity with significance. A long life, we think, is a full life. That is not always true. As Abraham Lincoln put it, “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

Reverend Pinckney put a lot of life into his 42 years. He was a pastor, teacher, politician, husband and father. He touched people both twice and half his age.

In thinking of his life, I thought of a saying of the Jewish sages: “The Righteous, even when they die, are called living.” In other words, the righteous live on in the inspiration and loved ones they leave behind.

Reverend Pinckney lived in such a way. So may we.