Ted Nugent is the latest celebrity to apologize publicly for words he spoke. He follows Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty, Alec Baldwin, Paula Deen and Shia LeBeouf.

Are these celebrity apologies real? Who is their intended audience? How can we tell a genuine apology from an insincere one?

We all struggle with this question. How do we know when an apologize we receive is real or fake?

1000 years ago the greatest Rabbi of Jewish history sought an answer to this question. Moses Maimonides, known best for his classic philosophical work Guide to the Perplexed, also explored Jewish teachings on apologies and forgiveness. He arrived at the following criteria.

1. Confession: The first act we look for is a clear admission of the hurtful behavior. The confession must be stated in the presence of the offended or publicly. It cannot be done with equivocation or hedging. It cannot be accompanied by an excuse.

2. Humility: This criterion is a bit vague, but humility is a characteristic where we know when we see it.

For Maimonides humility requires some self-effacement. It may require we lose face in public, and we replace concern about tarnishing our image with honesty about admitting the harm we have done.

Humility does not imply weakness. Rather, it suggests an inner strength, a recognition of our humanity and that of those we have hurt.

3. Remorse: To express remorse is to eschew excuses. When we have remorse we genuinely wish we had not said or done what we said or did. Maimonides said we can determine whether remorse is genuine if the offender finds him or herself in the same situation and does not repeat the mistake.

Sadly, remorse is often where apologies breakdown, as the offender perceives the feeling as showing weakness or guilt.

4. Forbearance: Forbearance is a willingness to listen and open oneself up to repairing the damage done. Forbearance demands we empathize with the pain we caused and not try to rationalize our way out of it. The evidence of forbearance is found in the concrete acts we do to repair the relationship.

5. Repair: Words are not always enough to demonstrate a genuine apology. Concrete steps need to accompany them. These steps can be financial, social or personal, and their goal is to demonstrate remorse and resolve.

When An Apology Changes the World

An apology that inspires me to this day occurred in 2000. It fits all of Maimonides’ criteria, and it happens to be one of the most transformative reconciliations in history.

It came from the mouth of Pope John Paul II. He addressed the Jewish people and said,

We are deeply saddened by the behavior of those who in the course of history have caused these children of Yours [the Jewish people] to suffer, and asking Your forgiveness we wish to commit ourselves to genuine brotherhood with the people of the Covenant ….For the role that each one of us has had, with his behavior, in these evils, contributing to a disfigurement of the face of the Church, we humbly ask forgiveness.

He later went to the Western Wall—the holiest site in Israel—and inserted a piece of paper in its cracks. The message on the paper read: on

God of our fathers, you chose Abraham and his descendants to bring Your name to the nations: we are deeply saddened by the behavior of those who in the course of history have caused these children of Yours to suffer and asking Your forgiveness we wish to commit ourselves to genuine brotherhood with the people of the Covenant.

Genuine apology can transform the world. It can transform brokenness into friendship, hatred into love, conflict into peace.