My oldest daughter just turned eight, and my youngest is about to turn six. I’ve been thinking a lot about the journey of fatherhood so far.

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The best book I read before coming a dad was Crawling: A Father’s First Year. With its focus on the sheer joy and anxiety of a baby’s first year, it came closest to preparing me for the humbling shock and awe of becoming a parent.

Despite my fondness for the book, I soon realized no guide can prepare you for this journey. Every parent ultimately realizes this. The best we can do is draw from our own experience and the wisdom of those who came before us.

I find particular wisdom in an ancient teaching the Talmud. It defines the three things a parent must teach their child: the Bible, a trade, and how to swim.

While they may initially seem surprising, they reveal both the limitations and possibilities of parenthood.

There is so much we cannot do. We cannot decide what our children will do. We cannot decide whether they will keep our religion. We cannot decide whether they will behave and act ethically or not.

What we can do, however is significant. We can, as the Talmud reminds us:

1. Shape Identity (Teach the Bible): Parents mold their children’s religious background. We teach them the values and traditions that matters most.

Now we do not permanently decide their identity. My generation changes religious affiliation more frequently than any other. Yet, as parents, we build the foundation out of which our children can step forth and choose.

If this idea seems vague, think of language. Language is a form of identity. If we speak English at home, our children will most likely learn and speak English. They may learn and become fluent in other languages. Yet, we give them their native tongue.

2. Ensure an Education (Teach A Trade): 2000 years ago parents taught their children a trade through apprenticeship and modeling. A trade was a way to earn a living.

Today the particular skills we teach our children is less important than we help them learn how to learn. Teaching them a trade is less critical than helping them discover what trade—what pursuit—draws out the best in them.

3. Instill Confidence (Teach How to Swim): When I helped teach my kids how to swim, I discovered the hardest part is not getting them to go underwater. It is not getting them to move their hands and feet the right away. It is getting them comfortable enough to float in the water.

This may seem strange. For most of us, floating takes little effort. Swimming takes all the energy. To float, however, we have to let go. We have to trust the water. We have to take a risk and give up control over our direction and pace. In other words, floating, as Rabbi David Wolpe put it, takes faith.

Teaching our child to swim is another way of helping them find faith in themselves. It is another way of helping them discover within themselves the strength and character to survive the rocky waves and rapid currents of life.